You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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