My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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