On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
