I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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