You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize