Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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