Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Send help, water and tortillas.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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