you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
