the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
