there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
