i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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