Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
this beer tastes like vomit already
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
