a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
