I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
