Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
