I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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