At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
