its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
