All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize