I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
