You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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