ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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