I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
