he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
