I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize