i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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