hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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