There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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