.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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