New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
