so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
