Porn is love you can see.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
