I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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