I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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