my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I need a beard to bite.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
