Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize