He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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