She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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