that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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