i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This is classic penis vs brain.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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