i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
