Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
