Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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