He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
