If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
