well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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