Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
