I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
