I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
