I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
