Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
