i barfeds in our rink
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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