i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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