Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
