If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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