Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
