i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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