Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
