I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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