dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
