There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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