I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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