I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I want to stick my p in your. b.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
