if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
