She is in my trunk
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
