I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Even my vagina gasped.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
