I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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