Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
