he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
