My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
