Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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