i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
