man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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