Welp...herpes.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
