i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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