he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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