it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
