is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
