Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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