even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize