somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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