How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
