I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
