Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
