I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
