so that wasnt chicken after all
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize