You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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