I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
im on a boat
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