I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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