actually, I'm a sock model
Pappa wants mamma naked
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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