Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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