paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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