You work out of a Hotel?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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