In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
